JOOOR (REMIX) - 9JAHIPHOP'S MISSING VERSE.

How do you make a hot song hotter? Make a dope remix with the hottest artists around. Quite simple you might say, but if it was that easy, your favorite artist will have a hot remix out there, which kind of explains why Jahbless’s “joor (remix)” has been well received in all quarters.  You don’t get to hear a good remix like that all the time and believe it or not; it would have sounded better if my verse had made the final cut.  You know how me and Jahbless go way back, so when he was cooking up the remix, he hit me up and this is the story of how I missed out on what is gradually turning into the remix of the year.

When I got Jah’s call on my radio, I packed up my bags and went to the car park, but all the flights had been cancelled, then I ran to the airport but the only available ship didn’t have a conductor so I had to travel from PH to Lagos on a horse and as I am blogging on my nokia 3310, I just hope that when I get to Lagos, I can pay the cab drivers there with my ATM.

Get acquainted with my own verse and feel free to add yours (jooor)

Father u turn oni fe di pope

Timaya oni fe wa ni interscope

dj tee oni fe shoot video pelu webcam

Naeto c oni fe wa ni defjam

M.I oni fe feature jay z

Eedris oni fe gba grammy

Don jazzy oni fe shey beat bi swizzy

Pype oni fe fi dada e we ti weezy

Charlie boy oni fe join ruff ryders

Mohits oni fe shaye bi rocafella

D,banj oni fe shey porn bi justin slayer

Omotola oni fe jo bi shakira

Muma Gee, shey ole di bi Lady Gaga

Essence, ko rin ju Rihanna

Skuki oni fe lo abuja lo yin banger

Kollington oni fe pa ariwo swagger

Daddy showkey oni fe ko reggaeton

Tuface oni fe losi ewon bi akon

Weird Mc oni fe se sex tape

Wunmi Obe lo ri runway

kelly hansome shey ole fi we Drake

Modenine ati Dj Drama, shey won le se mixtape

Sauce Kid oni fe jabo pelu D-block

Teeto Ceemos, oleri lori Detox

9ICE VS RUGGEDMAN - THERE WILL BE BLOOD

 Like a meteorologist predicts the weather and a psychic stares into a crystal ball and tell you the future, I am about to tell you where the Ruggedman vs 9ice beef is headed.

No beef is good but the worst kind of beef is the one between friends, when this whole Ruggedy/9ice Brouhaha started, I could have sworn it was never going to degenerate to this level. From what I know about these dudes, they were once as thick as thieves. It was Ruggedman that gave 9ice his big break courtesy of his monster hit “Ruggedy baba”, some might argue that it was 2shotz “make them talk” that brought 9ice to the limelight, but even the alapomeji crooner himself will always tell you that Ruggedman made the most impact in his career. When the time came for 9ice to take someone to home to mama, who was there for him? Ruggedy again!

No sooner had Ruggedman introduced 9ice to Toni payne, it was “kutupa kutupa, eshin gan ga”, and they were at the altar, and they lived happily ever after (you wish), and then there was Zion. It was all good (or so we thought) in the alapomeji household until 9ice released “once bitten, twice shy” off his “tradition” album, then they announced their separation after which rumors of infidelity started surfacing, accusations and counter accusations started flying around and soon enough, all fingers were pointed in Ruggedy’s direction. In a bid to clear his name (so he said), Ruggedy went ahead to record his now infamous phone conversation with 9ice and then everything started snowballing.

Now that 9ice has taken the first shot via his weed carrier Seriki, I think it is time to ask the question that has been preying on our minds. Where is 9ice going with this? Is he trying to tell us that Ruggedy fathered Zion? Because it has become difficult to believe that all this noise is to boost album sales. With 9ice relying on Seriki to take care of his business, who will ruggedy call on? Is Jaffer still alive and where the fuck is Abounce when you need him?

Ruggedman is in the battle of his career right now; this is a battle he cannot afford to lose (not after the modenine debacle). If I say I know where this is going to end, I will be lying but one thing I know is that the odds are stacked heavily in Ruggedy’s favour, all he has to say to win this war is one sentence. “You claim to be a playa but I fucked your wife” and there will be blood.

EMBER-VAGANZA

It clearly looks like the year will go out with a big bang (musically speaking), just looking at all the albums that have been released since October and those that will hit stores before the year runs out is enough to make any naija music aficionado go crazy with joy. It’s not like 2010 has been terrible but it hasn’t been too good either. There is no hit song out there that we can proudly point to neither do we have any hot album that is worth putting on repeat.

Plus one’s Commercial Class is the closest you can come to a hot album and Tuface’s only me is the only song I can listen to repeatedly right now. It is really poor from any angle you look at it; Just take a look at all the artistes who already had albums out before the ember months rolled in. Timaya, Jesse Jagz, Eedris, Eldee, C-mion, House of Gingah, Dr Sid, Modenine, Maye Hunta, Duncan Mighty, Side one,  just to name a few all failed to score a nationwide hit. Actually I am not one to dwell on the past so I am staring at the present and looking into the future to see what we have in stock.

I am YQ –YQ

 Boyz are not Smiling – Terry da Rapman

Beautiful Imperfection – Asa

Me, Myself and Eyes – Omotola

Versus – 9ice

Untitled – Ruggedman

Made in Heaven – Tony Tetuila

Oga Boss – Illbliss

Mr Endowed – D’banj

One in a Million – Solidstar

The State of Surprise – Vector

I am William – 2 shotz

Untitled – P square

Super C Season – Naeto C

End of Discussion –Dat Nigga Raw

Names of Noise Makers – Kelly Hansome

Sasha Speaks – Sasha

Reconfigurated - Durella

Words ain’t enough – Waje

Franchise Celebrity – Mo cheddah

My Name is Essien – Freestyle

The Alliance – Ikechukwu

Broken Silence – Weird MC

Untitled – Darey art Alade

Frankly speaking, not all of these albums will see the light of day and of those that do, not all will be worth the wait. I hate to admit it but a P square album will be refreshing, although anything that sounds dangerous will not be tolerated. Freestyle and 2shotz will definitely come out with something hot, and Asa’s Beautiful Imperfection will most likely end up being a classic. I am going to resist the urge to talk about everybody on that list and wait to see if some of them can surprise me. Enjoy the ember music is what I always say.

WRITERS BLOCK 2 - RECESS IS OVER

I have been gone for a minute and it is starting to feel like an eternity, feels good to be back before you had the chance to miss me. Did you guys really think I wasn’t coming back? Think again!!! I just wanted to see what my contemporaries will do without me. As it turns out, they are nothing without me. So now I can do anyhow unto say nobody fit challenge me.

I went from site to site, blog to blog and it is clear to see that these dudes are miles behind me, in fact I am about to pass them twice. When I say writers block, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything to write or say. It means I have so much to say but so little time to say it. The other day I was thinking of writing an apology to my blog but I only got as far as “if I wasn’t married to my day job, it would be you”, I think that will suffice.

A lot of stuff has been going down while I was away (more like on leave), Terry G having an accident after an altercation with Side One (I think I missed that), Kel absconding from Capital (everyone saw that one coming), and the overly overhyped ruggedman vs 9ice beef, that I am not interested in discussing (yet). I heard from a reliable source that Ikechukwu was kicked out of mohits for being too parasitic (whatever that means), in short we ain’t getting that alliance album anytime soon.

Truth be told, the first time I heard Tuface’s “only me” (which wasn’t too long ago, believe it or not), I kept wondering who it was that could have oppressed Tu baba so much that he will make a song about it (now I know better), I mean it is Tu “DADDY” we are talking about here, the father of many children (at least he has something to be proud of). When you look at the naija music industry, you will be hard pressed to find any artiste richer (don’t mention Naeto C) or more famous (Including D’banj & P square) than Tuface Idibia. I am not going to jump to conclusions on this one because Mikel Obi just doesn’t strike me as a proud dude, so I will wait till I hear both sides of the story which will probably be when Mikel decides to release his album or Tuface goes on trial with a London club (where he might stand a chance of scoring an actual goal) and make his statement on the pitch. Until then the scores stands at 1-0 in favor of the super eagles’ captain-in-waiting.

Before I go on, I have a confession to make. I am increasingly finding it difficult to wrap my mind around anything that has to do with naija music (blame it on D’banj’s endowed and all the artistes that featured on Obesere’s supposedly hip hop album). The quality of naija music is steadily declining and most songs on the radio these days are uninspiring.  There are a lot of songs/albums out there that I won’t even listen to unless I was paid to (Trust me; money can make any music bearable). Looks to me like 9jahiphop is dying, before it reaches ICU, I will be onto the next one.

Don’t sleep on me homies, your boy don’t play, recess is OVER……………………………………………………………