Wednesday, May 12, 2010


1. You can’t wear undies on stage.
Simply put, you can’t turn up half naked on stage. Be it in body revealing attires or undies, it is not acceptable. In Nigeria, such behavior is frowned upon, not just in sharia states but nationwide. The major reason why it is inadvisable to perform on stage like that is because nobody wants to see bulging tummies and stretch marks, which are in no way associated with good music. If you insist though, you can kiss marital life goodbye.

2. You can’t perform on stage with any animal.
Most divas in America use animals to spice up their stage performance to thunderous applause from the crowd and rave reviews. In Nigeria, the situation is quite different as any attempt to perform with any animal, be it a Chihuahua, cat or boa constrictor will be considered diabolic and malefic. It is neither sexy nor will it make you look dangerous or exciting. You stand the risk of been called a mammy water, ogbanje or a witch.

3. You can’t use smoke effects or pyrotechnics.
In most places worldwide, a stage performance is not complete without good lightning, smoke effects and fireworks. In Nigeria, you don’t want to try it; your hair will most likely be set on fire accidentally or worst case scenario, you get set on fire. (I don’t have to tell you what this will do to your career). Take my advice, just stick with lightning effects, the worst that can happen with that is PHCN plunging you into darkness and the back up generator shutting down.

4. You can’t kiss on stage.
No, you can kiss on stage, what you can’t do is kiss another girl on stage. Madonna might have gotten away with kissing Christina Aguilera & Britney spears but one thing you must always remember is that you are not Madonna and this is Nigeria. If you like some girl on girl action, just do it in your bedroom. It’s not that some people will not like it but most people won’t and the ones who appreciate your effort will be the first to criticize you. Even if you escape been stoned to death (that is if you are lucky enough to be performing below the river Niger), you will never be able to live this down because nobody will want to be seen associating with you. You will most likely be banned and you will never land multi million naira endorsement deals.

5. You can’t dance on stage with male fans.
This one is risky; in fact it is too risky to even be contemplated. You can’t call your male fans to come up on stage and dance with you. You will most probably end up getting sexually harassed (either forcefully kissed or smooched) or worst case scenario, you get raped. Whatever happens, nobody will get sued and you will only have yourself to blame. Inviting one male fan on stage is more like an open invitation to all the others and before you know it, every guy in there will be jumping on stage just to get a piece of you. No matter how large your security detail is, they will always be outnumbered by the crowd.

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